Starting Fresh

It has taken me awhile to commit to this blog. I'll admit I've been putting it off for quite some time now. 

For one, it's overwhelming to think about blogging while fending off a one and a half year old ball of energy who is very interested in my netbook (especially when the last thing I really want to do is "fend off" that one and a half year old ball of energy).

For two, I'm lazy. In the evening, when that one and a half year old is blissfully asleep and supper is cooked and eaten (and maybe cleaned up) and I am done for the day, I always find the tv or facebook or a real book or my bed to be much more seductive than staring down a computer screen and wracking my brain for interesting blog topics (and if I'm going to be industrious and proactive instead of lazy there's always the laundry to fold, the kitchen to clean up, an email to send, a bill to pay, a button that needs to be sewn on, a dog to walk - you get the idea).

For three (and this is the real reason), what will my blog be about? Don't get me wrong I've blogged before (see Patton: Party of Two and start from the beginning to get an idea), but that was then. That blog documented the first four years of my marriage to Jonathan with some pictures, some funny stories, some ho-hum stories, some recipes, etc. This is now. Now, we live 1200 miles away from where we started out. We have a beautiful baby boy, and I am a stay at home mom instead of a behavioral therapist. Now, we are starting a church (but not really "starting a church" more like "gathering a group of people to be the church with"). As a rather lack luster blogger in the past, I thought that once I had a baby I would have something to blog about. But since giving birth to James David, I have not blogged once. Not once. Not even to announce his weight, height or name. Not even to share the ever fascinating birth story. Nope, the arrival of my firstborn child (as much as I love him more than anything in this world) did nothing to breathe new life into a blog that had been slowly but surely fading away. In fact, it stopped it dead in its tracks. So, what would I write about if I started blogging again?

Last week I turned 31. Perhaps my birthday inspired some introspection, b/c I do not naturally tend towards the self analytical (I leave that up to my husband who is always setting goals, evaluating his progress and making adjustments and therefore meeting his goals...). So, I found myself thinking about how when I was younger I always wondered "what my life would be like." What would junior high, high school, college be like? Who would I date and what would having a boyfriend be like? What would my first kiss be like? What would my job be? What would sex be like? When would I get married? Where would I live? What would being pregnant and having a baby be like? How many kids would I have? And now, with many of those questions answered, I realized that this is "what my life is like." This is what my life is like. And I love it. But there is one little thing missing.

Growing up, I always liked to write. I remember sitting at a desk in my room around 7 or 8 years old and writing stories, drawing and coloring pictures to go along with them. I remember laying on my bed under a hot tin roof around 15 or 16 years old and working on my novel, erasing and editing with a #2 pencil. I've got a few of those stories and more than a few old journals (starting in the 4th grade and continuing through college- real gems let me tell you!) sitting in my attic right now. I wanted to be a writer. I became first a manager at a retail store (which I did not like very much - too much counting money and folding clothes and not enough dressing the mannequins) and then a behavior therapist for children with Autism (which I did like very much - seeing improvement or not, just loving those kiddos for who they were). Not much writing involved in either of those jobs unless you count making a cashier schedule or putting together a social story.

Recently (er, a couple months ago), my dad emailed me (usually it's my mom who emails) and told me that he had a strong feeling that it was time for me to pursue a dream of mine that had been "out there for awhile" - particularly in the creative arena of writing, modeling, or decorating.  He suggested that I pray about it and see what came up. So I did, a little, but I knew that it had to be writing b/c that is the only dream of mine that has always been "out there" at all. Sure,  I like to decorate. Yeah, I thought it would be fun to be a model if someone just miraculously "discovered" me instead of  having to work at it. But writing has always been "the thing." The thing that I had always wanted to do but wasn't actually doing. So I knew that was it from the beginning. I just didn't know what to do about it. I can't write a book - I have an 18 month old and zero ideas. Not to mention time. But I have to start somewhere, so I am starting here. Maybe if I can do this, pretty soon I'll get in the groove and get inspired and have a great idea for a book. Or maybe I'm not supposed to write a book at all. Maybe I'm just supposed to write a blog. I don't know. I just know that I am supposed to be writing. 

But that's still not to say I know what this blog is going to be about quite yet, so bear with me and maybe throw some ideas my way?